March Blog written by Deborah Keehner, Head of Adult Programming and Community Outreach
I’m turning 50 this year, and to say I’ve struggled with that number is an understatement. My mom didn’t live past her 50’s, so reaching this milestone feels like standing at the edge of something both inevitable and unknown. It has made me reflective not just on aging, but on the way society treats aging women. March is International Women’s Month, and while others may focus on world leaders or celebrities, I want to talk about the everyday woman- ”the middle-aged woman”, who often feels invisible, not invincible.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall….Is That a Wrinkle? The reflection looking back is familiar, but different; lines from laughter and worry, shadows of sleepless nights, and… wait, when did I grow a mustache?! The beauty industry, and dare I say, the TikTok influencers tell us to erase these signs of our life. I’m not as shiny and smooth as I used to be and I am guilty of searching for youth in a bottle and a box of hair color. I won’t judge a woman for reaching for a facial cream or a syringe of Botox if it helps her feel like herself, however I wish aging came with reverence, not resistance. Women wouldn’t feel so pressured to stay frozen in time if we were valued as we grew. But to age gracefully, we need the tools to do so. Unfortunately, the system we follow was not built for us and the tools have not been sharpened. No one knows this more than Brooke Shields :Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old: Thoughts on Aging as a Woman by Brooke Shields
Women make up more than half the population, yet medical research and social structures still treat us as an afterthought. It is a fact: women suffer higher rates of depression, anxiety, and autoimmune disorders, yet most clinical trials focus on men. And menopause? Barely studied. Barely. We gave birth to you; why is our well-being as we age not a priority? Make it make sense. Can you imagine if millions of perimenopausal and menopausal women harnessed their rage and united for change? Oh wait, that would make us too “aggressive” and that makes men uncomfortable…Scratch that. Check out Naomi Watts new book Dare I Say It: Everything I Wish I’d Known About Menopause
And then there’s the workplace: Women over 50 earn 25% less than men our age and are nearly 50% less likely to be hired or promoted. Even with decades of experience, we are overlooked, undervalued, and underpaid. Women over 50 are not past their prime. On the contrary, we are in a prime position to lead, mentor and shape the workforce. We don’t want to put curtains on the glass ceiling to make it look pretty- we want to smash it into little pieces and make a disco ball….then we’ll dance to some 80s music!!
After all the outside forces work against us, then there’s just our own personal journeys. We spend decades gathering ourselves, and then suddenly, we are at the top of the hill wondering how we got here. If you’re a mother, the time between changing the last diaper and watching your children leave home feels like seconds. And then there are the goodbyes no one prepares you for. The hands that once steadied you become the ones you hold in their final moments. No one talks about how hard that grief is. How it sits with you and keeps you up at night. Check out Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore
Almost 50. No longer the girl I was, but not yet the elder I will become. I, like all women, carry every version of myself within me. We are not invisible. We are not losing. We are transforming. And these hot flashes? They are not just metabolic- they are symbolic of the fire in our souls that refuses to dim. So let’s use it, ladies. It’s time to set the world on fire.
If you’re like me and ready to set the world on fire…listen to my spotify playlist. For all those assertive, bossy, and complicated women out there- keep taking up space! We earned it!!
